A Letter for Mom

So I'm sitting on my sofa with a cup of tea, thinking about how much I wish you were here. Today is Attley's second birthday, which also means it's almost 2 years since you left us. Your anniversary this year seems exceptionally difficult. Maybe it's because we've all had time to slow down a little bit and realize what's happened over the last 2 years. For most of us it's been filled with a lot of stress and change in what feels like a short period of time. Now that we are finding a "new normal" ... it's scary (and sad) without you.

Dave's year has been eventful. He moved home — it's nice to have him and the girls close again. He just moved into a bigger place because... He's having another baby! And getting married! Over achiever… LOL! It's exciting to be an aunt again, and to have a sister could be very cool. I know Dave and I get along well, but there are just certain things you can't talk about with a brother. Speaking of sisters, McKenzie has some beautiful ideas for the wedding, and even some ways to make sure you're there. Planning the wedding without you will be hard, but I'll do my best to make sure you're proud. First thing to check off the to-do list: find a date, cuz I'm not going stag to my brothers wedding! If you have any tricks up your sleeve, make sure to work some magic ;)

Dad had a rough year, but he made it in one piece. Well, I guess he's actually missing a few pieces now, but let's not get picky. Bottom line: he's doing really well. I'm glad you were listening when we chatted a few months ago. His apartment feels more and more like a home every time I visit. I think he's much more comfortable than he was this time last year. People in the building recognize me when I come to visit and ask me how dad is doing, and even express concern if they haven't see him in a while. His neighbour, Anna, is really nice. She really likes Buddy and buys him treats and toys often. What a suck.

Your sister is as good as ever. Aunt Penny decided it was time to cash in her casino chips and retire. She and John spent a few weeks this summer sailing the Trent/Severn system and it sounded incredible. It made me want to rent a boat and do it myself; my sea legs haven't been stretched in a while. Thank you for the 15 years on the lake when we were kids. Is there anything better than being on the water?

I spoke to Aunt Colleen the other day. She has such a positive attitude it's amazing. She and Bob have a lot of travel planned over the next year: Portugal, Florida, another cruise… She's living her best life.

As for me… There's a lot of the same old, but I did a few things you might be interested in.

Work has been fun lately. I've been learning a lot and doing some design work that I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm also advising around content and even doing a bit of project management. It's a great project because it's a collaborative effort, both in my department and across other areas of the organization. It's the way I love to work, and we are creating something that everyone loves and is proud of. I know my job has always overwhelmed and confused you, but I miss your open ear. You'd let me ramble on about stuff you never understood and never bat an eye, even though you must have been bored out of your mind.

I conquered a bit of a fear a few months ago: I stripped down to my birthday suit and went swimming. To most this might seem like no big deal, but for someone who's struggled with body issues and self-acceptance her entire life it was something I thought I'd never be able to do. When I finally took the plunge it felt like I'd left more than my pajamas on the dock — I was able to shed a tiny bit of my insecurity as well. I know you'll get it... and I hope you're laughing :)

I made some ballsy moves this year I think you'd be proud of. I got a few bumps and bruises along the way, but I'm healing. Embarrassment and vulnerability are hard to recover from, but as you would say: better to try and fail than not try at all. After the last few years and getting some perspective I'm starting to realize that living your life with regrets isn't living. I'm still trying to embrace it, but I definitely took some strides in the right direction.

I came across a quote this year that reminded me so much of you. It's something you'd totally say to David and I so I'm trying to take it to heart:

I gave you life to live, now go and live it.

I'm thinking about getting it tattooed with some angel wings to honour you. Don't worry it'll be tasteful, and when it's done you can tell all your friends up there, just like you did when I got my other tattoos. Don't pretend to hate it because you're a horrible liar.

I started this letter over a week ago, and I've been trying to find the courage to finish it. As I sit in the same place where I started this, I feel a lovely fall breeze blowing through the window, and I find myself looking around for you. I think it might be a sign to say goodbye for now. Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy when I talk to you, but there's a part of me that feels like you can still hear me, and I take a lot of comfort in that. All my love, and keep taking care of us from wherever you are.

Dear Mom

The last few weeks I've been trying to figure out how best to deal with your anniversary. I'd really like to forget it ever happened, but how can I possibly do that when you were such a big part of my life? I don’t want to sit around moping either – you’d kick my ass if I did – so I thought I’d write you a letter. I still can't believe it’s been a year already. Where has the time gone?

Dad sold the house in the spring. And it sold so fast! He should have asked for more money! Cleaning out the house was really hard; you were everywhere. The basement wasn't as bad as you thought it was, though. There was definitely some stuff down there but it only took an afternoon or 2 to sort through it. Most of it went to Goodwill or the garbage – why were you hanging onto a broken toaster?  We had a yard sale to help clear out some of the salable stuff, and dad made enough money to treat himself to a new chair. Don’t worry, it’s not one of those God awful puffy looking ones. Apparently dad doesn't like them either. You trained him well, mama  ;)

Dad seems to like his new apartment. It’s certainly the nicest one we looked at, and the rent is perfect. It’s a little on the small side but he’s done a good job of making things fit. And he’s even put his handy skills to work and fixed up a few things already. No duct tape, or none that I’m away of anyway. He’s got some great decorating ideas – he knows what a valance is, mom! He’s still got a few boxes to unpack, but they’re mainly filled with pictures… Hard to look at them… Buddy is adjusting quite well. I thought he’d be barking constantly, but it’s like he knows he’s supposed to be quiet. I think he misses you. Whenever I leave for the weekend he whines and paws at me more than he used to. I think he’s afraid I might not come back…

Attley just turned 1. She’s 1 already, mom! I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that David had a kid! You’d be so proud of David – he’s such a great dad. He has a good mix of your practicality and dads rubber arms. You should see him with her it’s so adorable. I think becoming a father has softened him a bit. Since she has my middle name I know my opinion is biased, but Attley is the cutest baby ever. She’s so beautiful – I wish you could have met her. She looks so much like David, and there’s something about the way she smiles that reminds me of you. She’s been a blessing amid the chaos of the last year. Her Grandpa Don is so sweet with her. Seeing dad with her… I hope dad was that way with me when I was that little. I’m guessing he was since I’m such a Daddy’s Girl.

Aunt Colleen is doing okay. She and I went to the Green Haven benefit on Mother's Day and had a lovely time. It was difficult not being there with you, but I thought it was a nice way to remember you. And Aunt Penny…. If it wasn't for her I don’t know how dad and I would have made it through the last year. Helping to clean out the house, packing and moving dad, listening to me when I just can’t keep it together… She’s been amazing. You definitely have an awesome sister. She was likely cursing you in March, though: your tax return was such a nightmare she had to take it to a pro!

As for me…. Same old, same old boring life. I've been slowly redecorating my apartment. The bathroom is done, but the livingroom still needs a few things. Between Winners and Target I’m getting it done. Wish I had my shopping buddy around, though – it’s hard to make furniture decisions without you, especially when I can’t read a tape measure. Now that things are finding a new normal, I’m trying to spend more time with friends. Still visiting dad on the occasional weekend, too, don’t worry. Work is pretty much the same, but I am working on more interesting projects so I’m pretty happy with that. Health wise I’m doing okay. I had my annual “mole patrol” last week and it went well – time for new shoes! And that other thing that happened a few weeks ago… I heard you nagging at me so I did it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it!

I went out to Alberta to surprise Dave for his birthday this year. We had a lovely visit. I met Dave and family in Edmonton and we drove through the mountains, visiting Banff and Jasper via the Icefields Parkway. You and dad weren’t kidding when you said it was beautiful. I didn't know if Dave would like the driving, but he didn’t want to go home! I even got a great pic of Dave and I; it’s framed and in my livingroom.

We spent a few days in the mountains, and then headed back to his place. He really does live in the middle of nowhere, but it’s nice and quiet so I can see why he likes it. On Dave’s birthday Kenz made a surf and turf dinner, and we even got him an ice cream cake to keep with tradition. He showed me where he worked and tried his best to explain his job but I’m still not sure I get it. Something about pulling pipes out the ground… I spent lots of time snuggling with Attley and Sothea, and before long it was time to leave. It’s so hard saying goodbye to Dave; I cry every time.

There have been a lot of firsts since you left us. Thanksgiving, birthdays, Christmas... Each of them with their own challenges. For Thanksgiving I didn’t know what to do. I’ve always loved Thanksgiving. Not only did you make the most amazing dinner, but it was a lovely time to spend with my family. I wasn’t going to do anything, but at the last minute decided to make a semi-Thanksgiving dinner for dad and I. I kinda felt a kick in the pants and just did it – I  have a feeling that was your foot I felt. No turkey, but I did make ham and scalloped potatoes for the first time… and it was actually really good! For birthdays we did something small. Dad and I exchanged presents and I bought a small cake to share, and on your birthday we went to Theo’s and toasted you over Alfredo Al Forno.  And then there was Christmas… I think dad and I spent the better part of the morning crying, and then headed to Aunt Betty and Uncle Bob's for a lovely dinner. Darren brought champagne and wine, and mixed with my cold medication it was a lovely way to get through a very hard day. It was so hard without you… You brought so much joy and love to the holidays that to have it without you broke my heart. I know you probably hated it, but dad and I couldn’t bring ourselves to even decorate the house. I’m sure in time we will find new traditions, but for now we’re taking it slow.

Overall I think you’d be pretty proud of us. We all have our moments of course, but for the most part I think we’re pretty good. I worry about Dave sometimes. I think he regrets not being here in the end, but I hope he understands why you left when you did. Dad surprises me all the time; he’s doing laundry, cooking, paying bills…  He’s a good man, mom. One of the things I miss the most is being able to talk to you about my day. Dad listens, but you know dad: he’s really watching the baseball game... or the damn wrestling! And I really miss having someone to call when I need cooking advice. But each day gets a little easier. I still have my rough days, but they are farther apart and filled with so many memories.

Well I think that’s it for now. I hope you’re in a better place, at peace and listening to some Eric Clapton or BB King. We think of you often and will love you always. Make sure you’re around on Sundays, okay? Some day I will tackle the traditional Fletcher Sunday Night Dinner, and when I do I hope you’re looking over me to make sure I don’t burn the Yorkshire Pudding.

Mom

So the last year hasn't exactly been the best one. January started out great – my mom had beaten cancer and her stem cell transplant was going really well. She had energy like she'd never had before, and even went back to work in April. Then as the months passed she started to get worse. She got sick in May, and the more days that passed I saw her become an entirely different woman right in front of my eyes. In September I (hesitantly) went on a much needed vacation, and came back to something so shocking I just can't put it into words. My mom passed away a few weeks later from liver failure brought on by her stem cell transplant… and my whole world was thrown upside down. She would have been 67 this Friday.

We had no idea mom was as sick as she was. I don't know if she was keeping things from us or she didn't know herself, so I struggle a lot with anger. Why didn't the docs do something sooner? Why didn't mom say anything?  Why, why, why…  I had gone with her to her last appointment, which was less than a week before she passed, and the doctors didn't indicate that things were bad. The words were something like "you're not at a critical point yet." We knew her liver was wonky – she was jaundiced and had been for months so it was very clear something wasn't right. But no one said she was in liver failure. No one took a second look at the ultrasound she'd had just a few days earlier. No one did anything. Just the typical "wait and see" treatment plan the docs had been prescribing for months. And this was at the best cancer hospital in the country! They're supposed to be on top of all this stuff!

When she was diagnosed in the summer of 2012 I went through all the "what if she dies?" thoughts – you hear a cancer diagnosis and your mind just kinda goes there. My mom and I even had a chat about what to do if she died: sell the house, sell the car, and dad lives with me.  But as much as I thought I was prepared, you never really are. Nothing can prepare you for seeing your mother in a hospital bed … that way. As horrible as it is, I even prayed that she'd be released from her pain, because seeing her that way was not what she wanted. When we got the call I drove dad and I to the hospital, keeping calm as to not upset my dad even further. We didn't make it in time to say goodbye, but she went peacefully and her sister was with her 'til the end. I had a moment with mom before we left the hospital. I needed her to know that we loved her. That she was an amazing mother and that she raised my brother and I to be the best we could be, which is why I knew we'd be okay. Gave her lots of kisses and stroked her hair … until my dad had to come and pull me away. Leaving her… one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Now I'm suddenly responsible for things my mom used to be in charge of: making sure my dads house bills are paid, that dad's eating right and taking his medications, that Buddy gets to the vet and doesn't eat things he's not supposed to… Plus clearing up all the estate stuff you need to deal with after someone passes – wow, it's a ton of work! Next on the list is preparing the house for sale. Do we re-paint and re-carpet, or sell it as-is? So much to consider...

Family photo from WAY back. I love this pic...

Mom with Buddy when he was a few weeks old

Mom and Dad in Twillingate, NL

Mom and I at a lighthouse in St Anthony, NL.
The BEST seafood chowder we ever had...

Mom and I partying it up at my brother's bon voyage party.
Drinks anyone?

One of the things I still need to learn is to let things go and not sweat the small stuff. Mom was good at that. She was also really good at putting you in your place and standing up for herself, which is something I may struggle with forever… but I'm working on it, mama. Death puts a lot of things in perspective, and tends to highlight the people that love you and, unfortunately, those that don't. If I've learned ANYTHING in the last year it's been that we all deserve goodness in our lives. That we should surround ourselves with the people we care about, and the people who care about us. Don't waste your time on things that don't matter. I'm still trying to practice what I preach, but I'm getting better.

My mother was one of the strongest people I have ever known, and I didn't realize she'd passed on that trait until all of this happened. I still struggle with a lot of things – family birthdays and holidays so far have really sucked, and redecorating my apartment without her is not as fun – but when I struggle I just talk to her. Ask her to give me a sign, or slap some sense into me. I wish she was here right now to do some slapping, cuz I could use a little slap back into reality today. Every day gets a little easier, but I still miss her like crazy. It's weird to call my dad and not ask to talk to mom, or having takeout on Sunday instead of roast beef dinner, or going on a shopping spree and not having someone to talk to about all the deals I got… It's weird, but hopefully it'll seem more normal over time. Or I'll find new traditions or new people to share with.

To all those who have been there over the last year: thank you. Thank you for covering my ass at work. Thank you for driving me to Toronto. Thank you for bringing over food and cards and gifts and love. Thank you for holding my hand and drying my tears. Just thank you. I would not be this strong without you either.

So I'll end with my New Years Eve toast.

To all those who had a crappy 2013, here's to us. May 2014 bring us lots of love and happiness … and maybe a little crazy thrown in for good measure.

Miss you so much, mom, and I'll love you always. Now I'm going to take your advice and find a good bottle of wine, and hopefully a hot man to share it with.

Update 10: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of Inner Affluence

So I might have a new addiction... to salsa.

Dancing, not the food.

I completed my first official dance class last week — Beginner 1 Salsa — and OMG was it ever fun!! I feel like I've learned so much in only 8 classes. I'm not perfect by any means, and I don't think I could hold my own quite yet in a salsa club, but hot damn it's fun! After getting my arms AND legs to move differently but at the same time (for a while there my legs would stop if my arms were moving) it's feels good to know I learned something new. We learned 4 different turns, partnering basics, cross body leads, and some other weirdly named moves like Flares, The Hairbrush, and Bow and Arrow. In the final class I managed to keep up with a more advanced leader in and out of hold, with turns and cross body leads and all kinds of stuff!! By the end of the night I was too dizzy and tired to do it again, but I did it once and that's all that matters. Lol!

The music is FAB! When you hear it you can't help but move your body, whether you know the right moves or not. Check out Mi Mulata by Frankie Negron and tell me you don't wanna shake your booty a bit ;)

And it was fun. Did I say fun already? :)

I have to thank my gal Carina for making a few calls for me, and my gal Diane for going with me. And, of course, Steps Dance Studio for such a wonderful experience — this shy gal is a little less so and has a bit more confidence in herself :) I'm looking forward to taking Beginner 2 in the near future! It was something to look forward to on Thursday nights that didn't revolve around MerDer or McSteamy.

Spring is in the Air ... No Wait, That's Cigarettes I Smell

Photo courtesy of SukiScoop

I used to live with smokers – my parents smoked ‘til the day I moved out at 25, then thankfully quit a few years later – so I guess you could say I’m used to the smell. If I can smell it, you know it’s bad.

For a few weeks now, whenever I come home from work I end up walking thru the stench of cigarette smoke. And I’m not just talking about someone having a few. It seems to be the last 4 units on the main floor at the east end of the building, and the smell is so bad there must be 30 people chain smoking between the units. It seriously smells like an old dirty nightclub. And now it’s making its way into my own apartment … 2 storeys up.

I can deal with the occasional cigarette no problem. Normally I don’t even notice it. But I should not be able to smell your bad habit IN THE HALLWAY outside of your apartment, yet alone deal with it in my own space. I’m pretty sure these ignorant assholes are the reason why I wake up with a sore throat and stuffy nose every day for the last few weeks – I don’t know what else it could be since the issue seems to magically disappear when I get to work in the morning.

My building is supposed to be smoke free, but I guess SOME people don’t give a shit about rules or respect other people. C’mon … it’s not even your property! If you want to break the rules, for Pete’s sake at least crack a window!! Better still: since you live on the main floor near the stairwell to go outside, just take it outside damnit!!

If you want me to respect you and your habit, how about you start respecting me and my health!

I’ve informed the landlord and the super, both of whom seem to be aware of the situation. Here’s hoping they’re trying to do something about it, and not just ignoring the fact. It’s incredibly disgusting.

Grr …

Update 09: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of Vocal Training Secrets

So I checked out my first opera the other night.  Verdict: not too shabby at all!  It was called "La Calisto." A sex comedy based on an Ovid myth, the plot focuses on the complications and confusion that arises as the chief of the Gods, Giove, lusts for the virginal and naive Calisto.

What does that mean? .... here's the Coles Notes breakdown.

Boy meet girl.
Boy wants to sleep with girl.
Girl want to die a virgin, so resists advances by boy.
Boy decides to go undercover as his sister and try his luck as a woman.

... yes, apparently opera has lesbianism in it.

Girl finds out about boy ... they fall in love anyway.
Boy's wife finds out what he's doing.
Wife banishes girl to mortality to live her remaining days as a bear.

And spread some funny bits in between when other players confuse the male and female version of Boy.

(for a more accurate description, there's a decent one available on the BBC website.)

It was funny and moving at the same time, and the performances were fantastic. It was performed by students at the Glenn Gould School, part of the Royal Conservatory of Music. I'll have to check out another performance!!

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Update 08: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of
Red Cross CPR Certification

I’m certified!!

Not crazy, but in CPR!

I completed my Level C CPR/First Aid certification this past Friday.  This feels like a huge accomplishment for me. Ever since my dad started experiencing heart problems years ago I felt this was a necessary thing to have. Better late than never, right?  :)

So the next time you're dying, give me a call  :)

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Update 07: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of Well.ca

Scratch the cleanse off the list, cuz this bad boy is done! I did this in August before a wedding to help get rid of some bloat, and it totally worked! I chose a Jillian Michaels one, thinking that it would be easier on my system … and it was—no b-lining for the ladies room. The only thing I wish it had was a dietary guide. The instructions said to follow a healthy diet and exercise program, which was nice knowing I could eat things as long as they were healthy, but a guide would have been better. When I hear “cleanse” or “detox” I think really restrictive eating: throw away sugars (even healthy ones, like fruit), carbs, etc … Nevertheless, this one was still good. And I’m game to try another one in a few months, after the holiday binge is over :)

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Update 06: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

I’m now a Toronto Library cardholder.

Photo courtesy of Toronto.ca

I’ve recently discovered a love of celeb biographies, so I figured I’d save myself some bucks and borrow titles instead of buying them. I was so intrigued by Portia de Rossi’s book Unbearable Lightness that I kinda want to read it again.  Rob Lowe has a new bio out called Stories I Only Tell My Friends – he did an interview on Oprah earlier this year, and the book sounds really interesting.  Tina Fey of SNL fame has one out called Bossypants that, from what I hear, is absolutely hysterical so I will be checking that one out as well. I’d also like to get my hands on Slash’s self-titled bio – I can't imagine the stories this former Guns n' Roses guitarist has to share.

You may not understand how huge this is for me, but it is. This chicky is not an avid reader at all – some months I find it hard to get through my Lou Lou magazine.  I blame all the boring titles I had to read in school.  “The Stone Angel” in high school really was the last straw for me. THAT was painful ... Hey, English teachers!! Start pulling titles that are INTERESTING to read!! I know I'm not the only one who has lost an interest in reading due to shitty book reports in high school.

Oh! Something I learned last night when getting my card. Every Saturday each branch of the TPL has family passes to some of the major attractions around the city. Places like the Royal Ontario Museum, The Bata Shoe Museum, Black Creek Pioneer Village, and the Art Gallery of Ontario to name a few. All you have to do is show up with your library card and you get a family day pass ... for free!! How cool is that?!? It's first come, first served so show up early and wait in line if you have to. You can get more information on the program here.

Hopefully this is the start of a new interest in reading.  Do you have any fave biographies? Celeb or otherwise?

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Friendships are tricky ...

... but they shouldn't be ...

I have people in my life who have been around for 15+ years; that’s half of my life!  Kinda scary when you think about it actually.  Who knows you better than those people?  They can probably read your mind and know things that you didn’t even know about yourself.

My bestie, Amy.  I think we’re sisters from another mister … and missus :)  I cannot thank Carrie Houston enough for being a bitch to me the first day of Grade 10 Advanced English class and making me switch seats. After Carrie basically told me to f-off, I pulled up a chair beside this fellow geeky-looking chick (we both had BIG glasses, long hair, and hadn’t quite grown into our womanhood yet – can you say tomboys?) and we’ve been stuck together ever since. We can chat for hours about the kind of toothpaste we’re using or the colour of our lunchbags.  When we do talk about the more serious things in life there is never any judgement, just honesty.  She’s one of those 15 year veterans, who is (thankfully) still in my life. We may not see each other very much, but I always know that she’s there.  Always.

Unfortunately, the world is not a perfect place.  Distance puts strains on relationships, beit family ties, friendships, or partnerships.  No matter how hard you try there are still moments when you struggle to connect with people, which may eventually turn into weeks, months, or years of silence. This has been my struggle since moving out of the mothership and to the big city, and 2011 has been a particularly difficult year.  It’s becoming more and more difficult to connect with people, which is weird in this age of technology.  With wireless devices comin’ out the wha-zoo, you’re constantly connected with people through Facebook, Twitter, BBM, email, text messages … shall I go on?  I know people change and so do their lives – babies, marriages, relationships and whatnot change your priorities a lot – but why would that affect friendships?  Why do people seemingly push the people who are closest to them so far away?

Maybe the problem is me.  Maybe I’m stuck in the past.

Let’s face it: being alone SUCKS!!  Yes, it has its perks: no one fighting over the bathroom or the TV remote, no accountability to anyone but yourself, no sharing the bed and ending up with cold feet cuz your partner stole all the blankets.  And roomies??  Been there. Done that. Never doing it again. I do not enjoy living in a pig sty thankyouverymuch. Most days it doesn’t bother me that there’s no one waiting for me at home – I have devices to take care of certain urges, and as previously mentioned roomies = bad.  I can deal with not coming home to someone. But not having friends to go out with or chat with?  … As far as I know there are no battery operated devices to fix THAT problem.

This super shy gal doesn’t make new friends easily – do you know how hard it is for a shy person to start a convo with a stranger … without copious amounts of alcohol?  And dating?  Pff, impossible. Throw low self esteem and no self confidence on top of the shyness and that’s a recipe for the undateable. I think I take after my dad.  He likes to be a wallflower, which is great but it’s not at the same time: no one notices you, but sometimes you wish they did.  Sometimes I wish I had a bit more of my mom’s outgoing spirit. She deals with people all day long, so she has to be able to talk with strangers.  And Amy, the bestie mentioned above, she can talk to just about anyone.  I envy her so much for that … Oh I dunno.  I guess I’m just destined to become a crazy cat lady.

(And before you start judging, this isn't me looking for sympathy.  Just an outlet to get a bunch of crap out that's been brewin' for a while.)

Update 05: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of DisneyClipart

So 30 is approaching fast (eek!) and I still have a lot to do on my 30-before-30 list.

Life has been a little crazy the last few months, so taking on new projects has been the last thing on my mind -- trying to keep my sanity has been at the top of the list :) And with the holidays right around the corner I'll be lucky if I can get any new things started before the New Year. So I propose the following: extend "the list" until my 31st birthday, so the list then becomes "30 Things To Do 'Cuz I'm 30." Yeah. I think I can live with that, considering I started the list in May with only 6 months to complete everything.

I can guarantee this though: I WILL learn how to crochet/knit before the year is over!!

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Update 04: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Photo courtesy of MyRecipes.com

So I KIND OF learned how to make bread.

A few weeks ago I took a stab at making some ham and cheese scones ... and they turned out perfect!! They were a bit bland, but after talking to a friend of mine I found out they were supposed to be like that. Phew!! Regardless, they got rave reviews from my family who won't stop asking me to make more of 'em. For the recipe, check out MyRecipes.com

I would STILL like to make an actual loaf of bread, but I can at least say I've crossed this off the list ... at least semi :)

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Update 03: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

Chuleta con Queso from El Trompo

So Kensington Market ... rocks!!

I managed to (finally) get to Kensington Market this weekend and man am I ever glad I did! It’s such a neat atmosphere. I LOVED checking out the vintage stores – Courage My Love has great hats, kitschy jewels, and fabo Hallowe’en costume ideas amongst their vast assortment of other treasures. Discovered a super yummy Mexican restaurant called El Trompo – seriously, check.them.out. Found a wonderful bulk spice/candy store in Casa Acoreana. Bought some totally awesome cheese at Global Cheese.

Some Beatles matryoshka dolls found at
Blue Banana. They also have some for The
Rolling Stones, Elvis, and The Osbournes.
Cool gifts ideas!

Discovered Blue Banana Market, which you could kill a lot of time in. Lotsa great gift ideas for that hard-to-buy-for person in your life. I think I'll be heading back there in a few weeks to grab some Christmas gifts ... and maybe a lil' sumpin' sumpin' for my pre-30s self  :) Candles, kitchenware, clothing, jewelery, food ... all very unique and hard to find. I found one of my fave stores has a "booth" there: Le Petit Chapeau. The owner is from Barrie, ON and she makes the most beautifully crafted hats. Check out her store in Barrie if you get a chance -- she's a hoot!!

Oh ya, and I have to thank some lovely friends for accompanying me on my journey – thanks Di and Miyukes!!!  BTW, if either of you are reading this and know the names of the aforementioned stores let me know so I can credit them appropriately  :)

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Communication is a 2-way street, right?

Photo courtesy of sitepoint

So I’m having a moment ...

Why is it so hard for people to return messages? Emails, text, voicemail ... doesn’t matter. If someone is taking the time to write to you there’s obviously a reason. Yes, there may be the occasional rhetorical question or “I’m bored” ramble which can be ignored to some extent, but for the most part there’s a reason for the communication.

You start questioning your means of communication ... Is my (brand new) phone not working? Is YOUR phone not working? Are the email servers crashing? Has Alex Bell decided to revoke his patent on the telephone and all phone service has been cut off around the world?

Then you start questioning their behaviour ...  Did I do something to piss you off? Did someone ELSE piss you off? Have you contracted some kind of disease that leaves your fingers immobilized?

... Or are you just being a douchebag?

I’m not asking for a novel in your response, just any response will do. Even if it’s a quick message like “I’m busy but I’ll get back to you later,” or even a simple “Yes” or “No” will suffice most times. I would rather have that then 3 weeks of non-response text messages. Seriously. You’re THAT busy that you can’t take the time to drop me a quick msg to let me know you’re alive?!?

Please, people of the universe, have the decency to return your messages. You have no idea how frustrating it is for the person on the other end to not hear a peep from you ... especially when all they’re asking is “How are you doing?” or “Wanna grab a beer?”

Oh, and for the record, that whole “I’m pissed at [insert name with expletive here] so I’m not going to talk to anyone” crap doesn’t fly ... Friends exist to help you when you need it, so knock it off and just talk to someone.

Update 02: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

I need a hobby something bad, so I was thinking about taking up crocheting ... Let's add that to the list!

Everyone will be getting dish cloths and scarves for Xmas this year.

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

Must-have Albums

So it's the 30th anniversary of the release of AC/DC's iconic Back in Black album. I absolutely LOVE this album. Who doesn't enjoy rockin' out to "You Shook Me All Night Long," "Back in Black," "Hell's Bells," or my personal fave "Shoot To Thrill." It's one of those albums that you can put on repeat and listen to all night ... especially around a fire with a cold beer in your hand :)

I commented on Facebook that the album was in my top 5 of all time, which prompted people to ask for the rest of my list. So ... here ya go!

In no particular order ...

Metallica (aka The Black Album)
Artist: Metallica
Release Date: August 1991

Metallica is one of my favourite bands ... which I guess goes without saying considering they're on this list :) It spawned hits like "Nothing Else Matters," "The Unforgiven," "Sad But True," and the all mighty "Enter Sandman." In my personal opinion, this was the last "kick ass" album the band released. Yes, they've had success with more recent albums and I've purchased those albums as well, but nothing compares to THIS one. Unfortunately the band left themselves some huge shoes to fill after the release of this monster. Still hoping they can top it, but it's been ... 10+ years and they haven't done it yet.

IV
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Release Date: November 1971

It's Led Zeppelin. "Black Dog," "When the Levee Breaks" ... oh ya and "Stairway to Heaven." That's all I need to say :)

Nevermind
Artist: Nirvana
Release Date: September 1991

I was never a huge Nirvana fan when the album was released; hell I was only 11 years old! And I wouldn't call myself a mega fan now. But the older I get the more this one stands out. It's unfortunate that the band was never able to really enjoy their success, and that their fans will never have the opportunity to see the band out do themselves.

Collective Soul
Artist: Collective Soul
Release Date: March 1995

Did you REALLY think you'd get thru one of my blog posts without hearing about Collective Soul? :) This was the album that got me hooked. Loaded with awesome songs, including the three #1s "December," "Where The River Flows," and my ALL TIME fave song "The World I Know," how can you go wrong? EVERY song on this album totally rocks, whether it was widely released or not. My fave CS hidden gem is on this album in "Bleed." And did I mention that it's gone 3x platinum in the US and 8x platinum in Canada?!? Follow 'em on Twitter, find 'em on Facebook. But whatever you do, make sure you listen to 'em!!

So what about you? What are your "can't get enough of" albums?

(photos courtesy of allmusic)

WTF ???

So I'm trying to figure out how to put my feelings into words ... Angry, frustrated, sad ... so this post might be all over the place.

As most Torontonians, I spent the better part of yesterday afternoon glued to my television watching the events unfold in downtown Toronto, my jaw on the floor for most of it.  I could not believe what I was watching. Looting. Vandalism. Violence. Cars on fire ... Hospitals and malls on lockdown.  Transit systems shut down. Thousands of police in riot gear ...  What the hell was going on?!? Was this REALLY happening in Toronto??

Photo Credit: Saul Porto, Reuters

It looked like a scene out of a war zone that, to be perfectly honest, scared the shit out of me.

Considering all the disturbing images I was seeing, nothing was more startling then what Mayor David Miller said during his numerous television appearances. He was stressing that the city is safe and to go about your regular day. Go out and enjoy the Jazz Festval events, the various soccer celebrations, and spend time with friends and family.

Huh? Excuse me?  Are we seeing the same things unfold, or are you in another dimension?  Had I gone about my "regular day" yesterday I would have been trapped in The Eaton Centre with no way to get home.  Mayor Miller: YOU take a look at the pictures from yesterday and tell me if YOU would feel safe going about your regular day yesterday, even if it was in a totally separate part of the city.  Would you want your children out and about last night?  How 'bout your wife?  Would you feel confident that you would be able to get home on the TTC?  Would you feel comfortable knowing that 4 of the city's major hospitals were on lockdown?  And what about today -- will you be out with your family "enjoying what our city has to offer?"

Now what I'm watching on CP24 is a huge police raid on the U of T campus.  A number of arrests have been made in connection with the violence yesterday and many bags of evidence have been collected. So tell me this: will this violent behaviour disappear when the G20 is over?  If this raid is happening at a major university campus, how can the Mayor say that the events that took place yesterday were caused by "outside sources?"  How can I feel confident that I can run errands downtown this week?

I know that everyone has a right to protest, and I would be the last one to disagree with that.  But what's NOT acceptable is the level of violent behaviour that took place yesterday. There were families peacefully protesting yesterday that were suddenly in this mob of violence.  Children people!!!! THINK before you ACT!!!

I'm from a small town where you don't see police in riot gear, cars ablaze, and "gas deterrents" being fired into crowds of people. I don't know about the rest of you, but this Torontonian will need some time before she feels comfortable again. I was already speculative of the safety in our city, and the events yesterday certainly didn't help.

Get On The GO ... Or is it Get it ON on the GO?

GO Transit has always been a reliable means of transportation. It gets me to and from "the cottage" on weekends quite nicely, beit the train or the bus. Comfy. Fast. Cheap.

Well it appears that GO has decided to charge its passengers by the hour ... or at least that's what happened to one couple last night. For the latter part of my trip GO transit became HOE transit. Yes ladies and gents, this lassie witnessed what could only be described as "bus booty." Out of the corner of my eye I'm pretty sure I saw thrusting ... or some other kind of body movement that would mimic that motion. Since I'm fairly certain there is no confusing the motion let's just call it what it is: SEX.

While I'm by no means a prude, and definitely believe that sex is supposed to be fun, there is a time and a place for everything. Public restroom? sure! Park bench? Why not! Sex on a bus with upholstered seats? How sanitary is THAT? Other people have to sit there later! It's not like someone can run a Lysol wipe over it, or wait for it to rain and wash the evidence away. Your mess is there for all the tots, twentysomethings, and other unfortunate souls to sit on.

Despite my best efforts to capture the adventure my attempts failed -- the lighting was too poor for the iPhone to capture anything. Since this is now the second time I've seen something to this nature, I'm sure there will be a third. When that happens let's hope for better lighting!!

Update 01: 30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

So I tried raw sushi last night at Momiji Sushi Bar and Grill ... and it was pretty good! I scammed some salmon from my friends sashimi plate; it tasted great, but the texture was weird. I don't know if I'll ever order it myself, but I always have the Momiji Dragon Roll, which was just as delicious as the last time I had it :)

Yum!!

Wanna see my 30-Things list? Check it out here.

30 Things To Do Before The Big 3-0

So this is the year. The year I turn 30. Ugh .... and to be honest, I'm absolutely TERRIFIED.

When you're growing up you kind of picture what your life will be like. Graduating high school with honours and a scholarship. Going to university, meeting a great guy, and graduating top of your class. Landing your dream job that makes you tons of money doing what you love. Falling head over heels in love and getting married. Raising a family in the country house on the lake with the white picket fence and a weinerdog named Oscar ....

Yep. That's my list of things I wanted to have by the time I was 30. And so far I have accomplished ... well let's just say considerably less than expected. When your life takes different paths your goals change, and not always because you wanted them to. I'm STILL trying to convince myself that this is, in fact, okay.

So when my gal pal sent me a blogpost about 30 things to do before 30 it kicked me in the ass and made me think "well why can't I do that?" I may not have the big house in the country, the hubby, the kids, or Oscar, but who's to say I can't add some other things to the list along the way. Hopefully by the time I actually turn 30 I'll have a few things crossed off my NEW list, and realize that I don't need those big ticket things to be happy.

Now I've given myself a tight deadline: I turn 30 in December. While I plan to add new things to my list, I will also add some things that I already had on my to-do list and have done already. Check back often to see new additions (and deletions!) from the list.

So ... here we go!

1. Take a kickboxing class
2. Make bread ... well almost done.
3. Learn to meditate
4. Get a tattoo
5. Be able to eat at a restaurant alone
6. See an opera (read about it)
7. Learn some form of self-defense (I guess this could be kickboxing, but we'll see)
8. See a whale in the wild; MarineLand doesn't count
   
9. Take a REAL vacation, not just a week at "the cottage"
10. Take a dance class (read about it)
11. Try sushi ... the raw kind (read about it)
12. Do a cleanse, (read about it)
13. Watch a ballet
14. Go to a wine tasting
15. Check out that Shakespeare in the Park thing ...
16. Kensington Market (read about it)
17. Eat all the yummy Toronto pastries in a "croissant crawl"
18. Learn French
19. Go skinny dipping
20. St Lawrence Market
21. Read "Romeo and Juilet" again
22. Learn CPR (read about it)
23. Take up crocheting/knitting
24. Get a library card (read about it)