... but they shouldn't be ...
I have people in my life who have been around for 15+ years; that’s half of my life! Kinda scary when you think about it actually. Who knows you better than those people? They can probably read your mind and know things that you didn’t even know about yourself.
My bestie, Amy. I think we’re sisters from another mister … and missus :) I cannot thank Carrie Houston enough for being a bitch to me the first day of Grade 10 Advanced English class and making me switch seats. After Carrie basically told me to f-off, I pulled up a chair beside this fellow geeky-looking chick (we both had BIG glasses, long hair, and hadn’t quite grown into our womanhood yet – can you say tomboys?) and we’ve been stuck together ever since. We can chat for hours about the kind of toothpaste we’re using or the colour of our lunchbags. When we do talk about the more serious things in life there is never any judgement, just honesty. She’s one of those 15 year veterans, who is (thankfully) still in my life. We may not see each other very much, but I always know that she’s there. Always.
Unfortunately, the world is not a perfect place. Distance puts strains on relationships, beit family ties, friendships, or partnerships. No matter how hard you try there are still moments when you struggle to connect with people, which may eventually turn into weeks, months, or years of silence. This has been my struggle since moving out of the mothership and to the big city, and 2011 has been a particularly difficult year. It’s becoming more and more difficult to connect with people, which is weird in this age of technology. With wireless devices comin’ out the wha-zoo, you’re constantly connected with people through Facebook, Twitter, BBM, email, text messages … shall I go on? I know people change and so do their lives – babies, marriages, relationships and whatnot change your priorities a lot – but why would that affect friendships? Why do people seemingly push the people who are closest to them so far away?
Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I’m stuck in the past.
Let’s face it: being alone SUCKS!! Yes, it has its perks: no one fighting over the bathroom or the TV remote, no accountability to anyone but yourself, no sharing the bed and ending up with cold feet cuz your partner stole all the blankets. And roomies?? Been there. Done that. Never doing it again. I do not enjoy living in a pig sty thankyouverymuch. Most days it doesn’t bother me that there’s no one waiting for me at home – I have devices to take care of certain urges, and as previously mentioned roomies = bad. I can deal with not coming home to someone. But not having friends to go out with or chat with? … As far as I know there are no battery operated devices to fix THAT problem.
This super shy gal doesn’t make new friends easily – do you
know how hard it is for a shy person to start a convo with a stranger … without copious amounts of alcohol? And dating? Pff, impossible. Throw low self esteem and no self confidence on top of the shyness and that’s a recipe for the undateable. I think I take after my dad. He likes to be a wallflower, which is great but it’s not at the same time: no one notices you, but sometimes you wish they did. Sometimes I wish I had a bit more of my mom’s outgoing spirit. She deals with people all day long, so she has to be able to talk with strangers. And Amy, the bestie mentioned above, she can talk to just about anyone. I envy her so much for that … Oh I dunno. I guess I’m just destined to become a crazy cat lady.
(And before you start judging, this isn't me looking for sympathy. Just an outlet to get a bunch of crap out that's been brewin' for a while.)
